Monthly Archives: August 2014

Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence – in Jive

Thomas Jefferson was the third president of the United States, a founding father of the country, and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, one of the most important documents in our nation’s brief but inspiring history.

But as my mind is prone to wandering, I often wonder what the Declaration might have looked like if Thomas Jefferson spoke Jive.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776. 

De unanimous Declarashun uh de dirteen united States uh America, 

When in de Course uh human events, it becomes necessary fo’ one sucka’s t’dissolve da damn political bands which gots connected dem wid anoder, and t’assume among de powers uh de eard, de separate and equal stashun t’which de Laws uh Nature and uh Nature’s God entitle dem, some decent respect t’de opinions uh mankind requires dat dey should declare da damn causes which impel dem t’de separashun. 

We hold dese truds t’be self-evident, dat all dudes are created equal, dat dey is endowed by deir Creato’ wid certain unalienable Rights, dat among dese is Life, Liberty and da damn pursuit uh Happiness.–Dat t’secure dese rights, Guv’ments is instituted among Men, derivin’ deir plum powers fum de consent uh de governed, –Dat wheneva’ any Fo’m uh Guv’ment becomes destructive uh dese ends, it be de Right uh de Sucka’s t’alta’ o’ t’abolish it, and t’institute new Guv’ment, layin’ its foundashun on such principles and o’ganizin’ its powers in such fo’m, as t’dem shall seem most likesly t’effect deir Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, gots’ta dictate dat Guv’ments long established should not be changed fo’ light and transient causes; and acco’din’ly all ‘espuh’ience had shewn, dat mankind is mo’e disposed t’suffer, while evils is sufferable, dan t’right demselves by abolishin’ de fo’ms t’which dey is accustomed. But when some long train uh abuses and usurpashuns, pursuin’ invariably de same Object evinces some design t’reduce dem unda’ absolute Despotism, it be deir right, it be deir duty, t’drow off such Guv’ment, and t’provide new Guards fo’ deir future security. Slap mah fro!–Such gots been de patient sufferance uh dese Colonies; and such be now de necessity which constrains dem t’alta’ deir fo’ma’ Systems uh Guv’ment. De histo’y uh de present Kin’ uh Great Britain be a histo’y uh repeated injuries and usurpashuns, all havin’ in direct object da damn establishment uh an absolute Tyranny upside dese States. To prove dis, let Facts be submitted t’a kindun did wo’ld. 

He gots refused his Assent t’Laws, de most wholesome and necessary fo’ de public baaaad. 
He gots fo’bidden his Governo’s t’pass Laws uh immediate and pressin’ impo’tance, unless suspended in deir opuh’shun till his Assent should be obtained; and when so’s suspended, he gots utterly neglected t’attend t’dem. WORD! 
He gots refused t’pass oda’ Laws fo’ de accommodashun uh large districts uh sucka’s, unless dose sucka’s would relinquish de right uh Representashun in de Legislature, some right inestimable t’dem and fo’midable t’tyrants only. Slap mah fro! 
He gots called togeda’ legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfo’table, and distant fum de deposito’y uh deir public Reco’ds, fo’ de sole purpose uh fatiguin’ dem into compliance wid his measho’ mans. 
He gots dissolved Representative Cribs repeatedly, fo’ opposin’ wid manly firmness his invasions on de rights uh de sucka’s. 
He gots refused fo’ some long time, afta’ such dissolushuns, t’cause oders t’be elected; whereby de Legislative powers, incapable uh Annihilashun, gots returned t’de Sucka’s at large fo’ deir ‘esercise; de State remainin’ in de mean time ‘esposed t’all de dangers uh invasion fum widout, and convulsions widin. ‘S coo’, bro. 
He gots endeavoured t’prevent da damn populashun uh dese States; fo’ dat purpose obstructin’ de Laws fo’ Naturalizashun uh Fo’eigners; refusin’ t’pass oders t’encourage deir migrashuns hider, and raisin’ de condishuns uh new Appropriashuns uh Lands. 
He gots obstructed da damn Administrashun uh Justice, by refusin’ his Assent t’Laws fo’ establishin’ Judiciary powers. 
He gots made Judges dependent on his Gots’ta alone, fo’ de tenure uh deir offices, and da damn amount and payment uh deir salaries. 
He gots erected some multitude uh New Offices, and sent hida’ swarms uh Officers t’harrass our sucka’s, and feed da bud out deir substance. 
He gots kep’ among us, in times uh peace, Standin’ Armies widout da damn Consent uh our legislatures. 
He gots affected t’renda’ de Military independent uh and supuh’io’ t’de Civil power. Ah be baaad… 
He gots combined wid oders t’subject us t’a jurisdicshun fo’eign t’our constitushun, and unacknowledged by our laws; givin’ his Assent t’deir Acts uh pretended Legislashun: 
Fo’ Quarterin’ large bodies uh armed troops among us: 
Fo’ protectin’ dem, by some mock Trial, fum punishment fo’ any Murders which dey should commit on de Inhabitants uh dese States: 
Fo’ cuttin’ off our Trade wid all parts uh de wo’ld: 
Fo’ imposin’ Taxes on us widout our Consent, dig dis: 
Fo’ deprivin’ us in many cases, uh de benefits uh Trial by Jury: 
Fo’ transpo’tin’ us beyond Seas t’be tried fo’ pretended offences 
Fo’ abolishin’ de free System uh English Laws in some neighbourin’ Province, establishin’ derein an Arbitrary guv’ment, and enlargin’ its Boundaries so’s as t’renda’ it at once an ‘esample and fit instrument fo’ introducin’ de same absolute rule into dese Colonies: 
Fo’ takin’ away our Charters, abolishin’ our most valuable Laws, and alterin’ fundamentally de Fo’ms uh our Guv’ments: 
Fo’ suspendin’ our own Legislatures, and declarin’ demselves invested wid powa’ to legislate fo’ us in all cases whutsoever. Ah be baaad… 
He gots abdicated Guv’ment here, by declarin’ us out uh his Protecshun and wagin’ War against us. 
He gots plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed da damn lives uh our sucka’s. 
He be at dis time transpo’tin’ large Armies uh fo’eign Mercenaries t’compleat da damn wo’ks uh dead, desolashun and tyranny, already begun wid circumstances uh Cruelty & puh’fidy scarcely paralleled in de most barbarous ages, and totally unwo’dy de Haid uh a civilized nashun. 
He gots constrained our dude Citizens snatchn Captive on de high Seas t’bear Arms against deir Country, t’become da damn execushuners uh deir homeys and Bredren, o’ t’fall demselves by deir Hands. 
He gots excited domestic insurrecshuns amongst us, and gots endeavoured t’brin’ on de inhabitants uh our frontiers, de merciless Indian Savages, whose knode rule uh warfare, be an undistin’uished destrucshun uh all ages, sexes and condishuns. 

In every stage uh dese Oppressions We gots Petishuned fo’ Redress in de most humble terms, dig dis: Our repeated Petishuns gots been answered only by repeated injury. Slap mah fro! A Prince whose characta’ is dus marked by every act which may define some Tyrant, be unfit t’be da damn rula’ of some free sucka’s. 

No’ gots We been wants’in’ in attenshuns t’our Brittish bredren. ‘S coo’, bro. We gots warned dem fum time t’time uh attempts by deir legislature t’extend an unwarrantable jurisdicshun upside us. We gots reminded dem uh de circumstances uh our emigrashun and settlement here. We gots appealed t’deir native justice and magnanimity, and we gots conjured dem by de ties uh our common kindred t’disavow dese usurpashuns, which, would inevitably interrupt our connecshuns and co’respondence. Dey too gots been deaf t’de voice uh justice and uh consanguinity. Slap mah fro! We must, derefo’e, acquiesce in de necessity, which denounces our Separashun, and hold dem, as we hold da damn rest uh mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Cuddies. 

We, derefo’e, de Representatives uh de united States uh America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealin’ t’de Supreme Judge uh de wo’ld fo’ de rectitude uh our intenshuns, do, in de Name, and by Audo’ity uh de baaaad Sucka’s uh dese Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, Dat dese United Colonies are, and uh Right ought t’be Free and Independent States; dat dey is Absolved fum all Allegiance t’de British Crown, and dat all political connecshun between dem and da damn State uh Great Britain, be and ought t’be totally dissolved; and dat as Free and Independent States, dey gots full Powa’ to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and t’do all oda’ Acts and Doodads which Independent States may uh right do. ‘S coo’, bro. And fo’ de suppo’t uh dis Declarashun, wid some firm reliance on de protecshun uh divine Providence, we mutually pledge t’each oda’ our Lives, our Fo’tunes and our sacred Hono’.


P.S. You can read a more thorough biography of Thomas Jefferson here. It makes no mention of Jive.


Cowboy Sunset

A Short History of Cowboy Boots

Cowboys herding cattle across U.S. territories after the American Civil War recognized they needed boots that were distinct from common boot fashions of their times. Neither war, buggy or field- style boots served well during long hours as riders navigated brambles and brush, creeks and rivers months.

Around 1870, or thereabouts, a lone cowboy inquired if riders could be given a pointy toe so he could slip his foot into a stirrup fast and took his war boots to a shoemaker. He also wanted a taller shaft that a larger, underslung treat when riding hard on the trail to keep his heel, and would protect his legs.

A knee-high design was cobbled together by the shoemaker, to shield its wearer’s legs from barbed wire, thorny mesquite trees, snakes, and other dangers. Long mule-eared straps were subsequently attached for pulling the boots on.

The tough leather of conventional “working cowboy” boots protected a rider’s ankles from otherwise-bruising wooden stirrups, and from the rubbing of legs against stirrup leather. Cowboy boots were stitched on the outside to prevent the leather from rubbing and buckling against a cowboy’s leg.

Under-slung heel of cowboy boots the trademark, serves to protect the cowboy, enabling him to dig his heels into the earth directing a horse in dangerous terrain or when grounding a calf. Additionally, it keeps the boot properly positioned in the stirrup, alleviating an ever present danger that existed for thousands of years before cowboy boots were born: the very real chance of being pulled to death by a spooked horse should a rider fall from his mount with a foot and boot caught on the wrong side of a stirrup!

The first pairs were for working purposes only. There was no “style.” Cowboy boots were viewed just as an advancement on a vital tool, designed to keep cowboys safe and as comfortable as possible during long, difficult months in sunlight and rain.

The ground-breaking new “no-style” design fast became part of a cowboy’s tool kit, as essential to him as his lasso, his rifle, his branding iron, his neckerchief, and his dollar knife.

Initially a cobbler who would measure a cowboy’s feet and make a pair of boots to fit cowboy boots individually made they. Mail order boot companies came years later.

Over time, cowboy boots became an important fashion statement as the standard brown or black stitching on the outside of the boot segued to more colorful stitching. Layouts and pictures began to be sewn into the boots and boot makers started experimenting with inlays and overlays. Across America, adroit boot designs appeared within a decade and began to intrigue the world. The designers recognized the better, if a cowboy boot could be made truly amazing!

Cowboy boots have been since the 1880’s on the mail order marketplace. In the early 1900’s, with railroads running faithfully between shores, and silent motion pictures spotlighting cowboys, cowboy boots’ popularity, manufacture and supply mushroomed.

Finding the Right Fit

When it comes to Cowboy Boots, they don’t merely come in regular old leather anymore. At this time, you can purchase a number of skins and styles according to where you live and what style you’re going for. These boots, they cowboy will last for a long time, can occasionally get expensive, so its important that you just take care of them – something you might not be used to with regular shoes. But for genuine and luxurious materials like leather, you’re definitely going to need and would like to take care and maintain the stuff so that cowboy keep fitting the manner you like them to and such that it continues quite a while. When leather gets wet it tends to either get extremely soggy or it gets really tight. So, make sure to follow together with the suggestions below to get value and the best worth out of your Cowboy Boots.

Ostrich Skin

These are available in particular Cowboy Boots stores, while they are not unbelievably popular. The very first thing you have to consider doing will be to remove any dust or dirt from the shoe. You can achieve it by purchasing yourself a boot brush to swipe away the debris carefully. Before you wear the shoe, you might also wish to consider spraying on a leather conditioner or in this case a reptile boot conditioner. Honestly it can be used by you on ostrich skin as well, although it says its for reptile skin. To really keep the boots in good condition make sure that you apply thin coatings of the conditioner to the boots on a regular basis.

Snake Skin

These are less unpopular than Ostrich (believe Crocodile Dundee!). First, like with the Ostrich boots, you should think about removing debris from your shoe before you actually do anything. No sense in conditioning Cowboy Boots which can be filthy because basically all you are doing is locking in the soil. Kind of defeats the intent folks! For real snake skin boots, you might also wipe with the grain using a damp fabric. After you remove the soil and debris, after that you can apply a thin coat of reptile conditioner to the boots using a clean soft cloth ensuring that it used the scales lay.

Cowhide and Buffalo Skin

These, in my opinion, are two of the skins that are most frequently used. The aren’t actually lavish per se, but they are really powerful as could be, they feel good on the boot and look, and they’re more affordable than something like gator, crocodile or snake skin cowboy boots. You are going to specifically use a leather conditioner, not a snake conditioner or anything like this, although usually, the skins are gone for by the exact same cleaning approaches above. Remove and dust with a brush or rag, clean with the leather conditioner, apply some natural shoe cream, then continue until a luster is obtained to brush the cowboy boots.