Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence – in Jive

Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson was the third president of the United States, a founding father of the country, and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, one of the most important documents in our nation’s brief but inspiring history.

But as my mind is prone to wandering, I often wonder what the Declaration might have looked like if Thomas Jefferson spoke Jive.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776. 

De unanimous Declarashun uh de dirteen united States uh America, 

When in de Course uh human events, it becomes necessary fo’ one sucka’s t’dissolve da damn political bands which gots connected dem wid anoder, and t’assume among de powers uh de eard, de separate and equal stashun t’which de Laws uh Nature and uh Nature’s God entitle dem, some decent respect t’de opinions uh mankind requires dat dey should declare da damn causes which impel dem t’de separashun. 

We hold dese truds t’be self-evident, dat all dudes are created equal, dat dey is endowed by deir Creato’ wid certain unalienable Rights, dat among dese is Life, Liberty and da damn pursuit uh Happiness.–Dat t’secure dese rights, Guv’ments is instituted among Men, derivin’ deir plum powers fum de consent uh de governed, –Dat wheneva’ any Fo’m uh Guv’ment becomes destructive uh dese ends, it be de Right uh de Sucka’s t’alta’ o’ t’abolish it, and t’institute new Guv’ment, layin’ its foundashun on such principles and o’ganizin’ its powers in such fo’m, as t’dem shall seem most likesly t’effect deir Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, gots’ta dictate dat Guv’ments long established should not be changed fo’ light and transient causes; and acco’din’ly all ‘espuh’ience had shewn, dat mankind is mo’e disposed t’suffer, while evils is sufferable, dan t’right demselves by abolishin’ de fo’ms t’which dey is accustomed. But when some long train uh abuses and usurpashuns, pursuin’ invariably de same Object evinces some design t’reduce dem unda’ absolute Despotism, it be deir right, it be deir duty, t’drow off such Guv’ment, and t’provide new Guards fo’ deir future security. Slap mah fro!–Such gots been de patient sufferance uh dese Colonies; and such be now de necessity which constrains dem t’alta’ deir fo’ma’ Systems uh Guv’ment. De histo’y uh de present Kin’ uh Great Britain be a histo’y uh repeated injuries and usurpashuns, all havin’ in direct object da damn establishment uh an absolute Tyranny upside dese States. To prove dis, let Facts be submitted t’a kindun did wo’ld. 

He gots refused his Assent t’Laws, de most wholesome and necessary fo’ de public baaaad. 
He gots fo’bidden his Governo’s t’pass Laws uh immediate and pressin’ impo’tance, unless suspended in deir opuh’shun till his Assent should be obtained; and when so’s suspended, he gots utterly neglected t’attend t’dem. WORD! 
He gots refused t’pass oda’ Laws fo’ de accommodashun uh large districts uh sucka’s, unless dose sucka’s would relinquish de right uh Representashun in de Legislature, some right inestimable t’dem and fo’midable t’tyrants only. Slap mah fro! 
He gots called togeda’ legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfo’table, and distant fum de deposito’y uh deir public Reco’ds, fo’ de sole purpose uh fatiguin’ dem into compliance wid his measho’ mans. 
He gots dissolved Representative Cribs repeatedly, fo’ opposin’ wid manly firmness his invasions on de rights uh de sucka’s. 
He gots refused fo’ some long time, afta’ such dissolushuns, t’cause oders t’be elected; whereby de Legislative powers, incapable uh Annihilashun, gots returned t’de Sucka’s at large fo’ deir ‘esercise; de State remainin’ in de mean time ‘esposed t’all de dangers uh invasion fum widout, and convulsions widin. ‘S coo’, bro. 
He gots endeavoured t’prevent da damn populashun uh dese States; fo’ dat purpose obstructin’ de Laws fo’ Naturalizashun uh Fo’eigners; refusin’ t’pass oders t’encourage deir migrashuns hider, and raisin’ de condishuns uh new Appropriashuns uh Lands. 
He gots obstructed da damn Administrashun uh Justice, by refusin’ his Assent t’Laws fo’ establishin’ Judiciary powers. 
He gots made Judges dependent on his Gots’ta alone, fo’ de tenure uh deir offices, and da damn amount and payment uh deir salaries. 
He gots erected some multitude uh New Offices, and sent hida’ swarms uh Officers t’harrass our sucka’s, and feed da bud out deir substance. 
He gots kep’ among us, in times uh peace, Standin’ Armies widout da damn Consent uh our legislatures. 
He gots affected t’renda’ de Military independent uh and supuh’io’ t’de Civil power. Ah be baaad… 
He gots combined wid oders t’subject us t’a jurisdicshun fo’eign t’our constitushun, and unacknowledged by our laws; givin’ his Assent t’deir Acts uh pretended Legislashun: 
Fo’ Quarterin’ large bodies uh armed troops among us: 
Fo’ protectin’ dem, by some mock Trial, fum punishment fo’ any Murders which dey should commit on de Inhabitants uh dese States: 
Fo’ cuttin’ off our Trade wid all parts uh de wo’ld: 
Fo’ imposin’ Taxes on us widout our Consent, dig dis: 
Fo’ deprivin’ us in many cases, uh de benefits uh Trial by Jury: 
Fo’ transpo’tin’ us beyond Seas t’be tried fo’ pretended offences 
Fo’ abolishin’ de free System uh English Laws in some neighbourin’ Province, establishin’ derein an Arbitrary guv’ment, and enlargin’ its Boundaries so’s as t’renda’ it at once an ‘esample and fit instrument fo’ introducin’ de same absolute rule into dese Colonies: 
Fo’ takin’ away our Charters, abolishin’ our most valuable Laws, and alterin’ fundamentally de Fo’ms uh our Guv’ments: 
Fo’ suspendin’ our own Legislatures, and declarin’ demselves invested wid powa’ to legislate fo’ us in all cases whutsoever. Ah be baaad… 
He gots abdicated Guv’ment here, by declarin’ us out uh his Protecshun and wagin’ War against us. 
He gots plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed da damn lives uh our sucka’s. 
He be at dis time transpo’tin’ large Armies uh fo’eign Mercenaries t’compleat da damn wo’ks uh dead, desolashun and tyranny, already begun wid circumstances uh Cruelty & puh’fidy scarcely paralleled in de most barbarous ages, and totally unwo’dy de Haid uh a civilized nashun. 
He gots constrained our dude Citizens snatchn Captive on de high Seas t’bear Arms against deir Country, t’become da damn execushuners uh deir homeys and Bredren, o’ t’fall demselves by deir Hands. 
He gots excited domestic insurrecshuns amongst us, and gots endeavoured t’brin’ on de inhabitants uh our frontiers, de merciless Indian Savages, whose knode rule uh warfare, be an undistin’uished destrucshun uh all ages, sexes and condishuns. 

In every stage uh dese Oppressions We gots Petishuned fo’ Redress in de most humble terms, dig dis: Our repeated Petishuns gots been answered only by repeated injury. Slap mah fro! A Prince whose characta’ is dus marked by every act which may define some Tyrant, be unfit t’be da damn rula’ of some free sucka’s. 

No’ gots We been wants’in’ in attenshuns t’our Brittish bredren. ‘S coo’, bro. We gots warned dem fum time t’time uh attempts by deir legislature t’extend an unwarrantable jurisdicshun upside us. We gots reminded dem uh de circumstances uh our emigrashun and settlement here. We gots appealed t’deir native justice and magnanimity, and we gots conjured dem by de ties uh our common kindred t’disavow dese usurpashuns, which, would inevitably interrupt our connecshuns and co’respondence. Dey too gots been deaf t’de voice uh justice and uh consanguinity. Slap mah fro! We must, derefo’e, acquiesce in de necessity, which denounces our Separashun, and hold dem, as we hold da damn rest uh mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Cuddies. 

We, derefo’e, de Representatives uh de united States uh America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealin’ t’de Supreme Judge uh de wo’ld fo’ de rectitude uh our intenshuns, do, in de Name, and by Audo’ity uh de baaaad Sucka’s uh dese Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, Dat dese United Colonies are, and uh Right ought t’be Free and Independent States; dat dey is Absolved fum all Allegiance t’de British Crown, and dat all political connecshun between dem and da damn State uh Great Britain, be and ought t’be totally dissolved; and dat as Free and Independent States, dey gots full Powa’ to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and t’do all oda’ Acts and Doodads which Independent States may uh right do. ‘S coo’, bro. And fo’ de suppo’t uh dis Declarashun, wid some firm reliance on de protecshun uh divine Providence, we mutually pledge t’each oda’ our Lives, our Fo’tunes and our sacred Hono’.


P.S. You can read a more thorough biography of Thomas Jefferson here. It makes no mention of Jive.


A Short History of Cowboy Boots

Cowboy SunsetCowboys herding cattle across U.S. territories after the American Civil War recognized they needed boots that were distinct from common boot fashions of their times. Neither war, buggy or field- style boots served well during long hours as riders navigated brambles and brush, creeks and rivers months.

Around 1870, or thereabouts, a lone cowboy inquired if riders could be given a pointy toe so he could slip his foot into a stirrup fast and took his war boots to a shoemaker. He also wanted a taller shaft that a larger, underslung treat when riding hard on the trail to keep his heel, and would protect his legs.

A knee-high design was cobbled together by the shoemaker, to shield its wearer’s legs from barbed wire, thorny mesquite trees, snakes, and other dangers. Long mule-eared straps were subsequently attached for pulling the boots on.

The tough leather of conventional “working cowboy” boots protected a rider’s ankles from otherwise-bruising wooden stirrups, and from the rubbing of legs against stirrup leather. Cowboy boots were stitched on the outside to prevent the leather from rubbing and buckling against a cowboy’s leg.

Under-slung heel of cowboy boots the trademark, serves to protect the cowboy, enabling him to dig his heels into the earth directing a horse in dangerous terrain or when grounding a calf. Additionally, it keeps the boot properly positioned in the stirrup, alleviating an ever present danger that existed for thousands of years before cowboy boots were born: the very real chance of being pulled to death by a spooked horse should a rider fall from his mount with a foot and boot caught on the wrong side of a stirrup!

The first pairs were for working purposes only. There was no “style.” Cowboy boots were viewed just as an advancement on a vital tool, designed to keep cowboys safe and as comfortable as possible during long, difficult months in sunlight and rain.

The ground-breaking new “no-style” design fast became part of a cowboy’s tool kit, as essential to him as his lasso, his rifle, his branding iron, his neckerchief, and his dollar knife.

Initially a cobbler who would measure a cowboy’s feet and make a pair of boots to fit cowboy boots individually made they. Mail order boot companies came years later.

Over time, cowboy boots became an important fashion statement as the standard brown or black stitching on the outside of the boot segued to more colorful stitching. Layouts and pictures began to be sewn into the boots and boot makers started experimenting with inlays and overlays. Across America, adroit boot designs appeared within a decade and began to intrigue the world. The designers recognized the better, if a cowboy boot could be made truly amazing!

Cowboy boots have been since the 1880′s on the mail order marketplace. In the early 1900′s, with railroads running faithfully between shores, and silent motion pictures spotlighting cowboys, cowboy boots’ popularity, manufacture and supply mushroomed.

Finding the Right Fit

When it comes to Cowboy Boots, they don’t merely come in regular old leather anymore. At this time, you can purchase a number of skins and styles according to where you live and what style you’re going for. These boots, they cowboy will last for a long time, can occasionally get expensive, so its important that you just take care of them – something you might not be used to with regular shoes. But for genuine and luxurious materials like leather, you’re definitely going to need and would like to take care and maintain the stuff so that cowboy keep fitting the manner you like them to and such that it continues quite a while. When leather gets wet it tends to either get extremely soggy or it gets really tight. So, make sure to follow together with the suggestions below to get value and the best worth out of your Cowboy Boots.

Ostrich Skin

These are available in particular Cowboy Boots stores, while they are not unbelievably popular. The very first thing you have to consider doing will be to remove any dust or dirt from the shoe. You can achieve it by purchasing yourself a boot brush to swipe away the debris carefully. Before you wear the shoe, you might also wish to consider spraying on a leather conditioner or in this case a reptile boot conditioner. Honestly it can be used by you on ostrich skin as well, although it says its for reptile skin. To really keep the boots in good condition make sure that you apply thin coatings of the conditioner to the boots on a regular basis.

Snake Skin

These are less unpopular than Ostrich (believe Crocodile Dundee!). First, like with the Ostrich boots, you should think about removing debris from your shoe before you actually do anything. No sense in conditioning Cowboy Boots which can be filthy because basically all you are doing is locking in the soil. Kind of defeats the intent folks! For real snake skin boots, you might also wipe with the grain using a damp fabric. After you remove the soil and debris, after that you can apply a thin coat of reptile conditioner to the boots using a clean soft cloth ensuring that it used the scales lay.

Cowhide and Buffalo Skin

These, in my opinion, are two of the skins that are most frequently used. The aren’t actually lavish per se, but they are really powerful as could be, they feel good on the boot and look, and they’re more affordable than something like gator, crocodile or snake skin cowboy boots. You are going to specifically use a leather conditioner, not a snake conditioner or anything like this, although usually, the skins are gone for by the exact same cleaning approaches above. Remove and dust with a brush or rag, clean with the leather conditioner, apply some natural shoe cream, then continue until a luster is obtained to brush the cowboy boots.

Where to Find Classic Cowboy Boots

I have rubber shoes, black shoes and other shoes around here. But my favorite is still my cowboy shoes.
Here are some tips to get a good quality cowboy boots.

Cowboy Boots on a FenceThey could be difficult to acquire, because most classic cowboy boots did have a tough life, yet. Be ready to spend some time hunting for them, if you’re thinking about gathering classic cowboy boots, and get ready to fund them also. Many boots market for over $1000, with a few costing significantly more. Among the first areas you need to search is western clothing stores. A lot of these now possess a classic cowboy tools section, therefore it is worth having a look when you have one among these shops nearby.

Many collectors have started up web sites that focus on classic cowboy boots, therefore spend a while hunting around on the web to see what it is possible to think of. That excitement has spread globally, with lovers as far-away as Australia and Europe despite the fact that the first curiosity about collectible classic cowboy boots was in america, now. The outdated boots possess a specific feeling about them, which is among the grounds they have gotten so well-known as collectible things. A cowboy boots part has been added by many collectible shops to their own shops.

Varieties of Classic Cowboy Boots

Among the best things about gathering classic cowboy boots is the fact that they were mainly custom created, which indicates virtually every pair differs. You will find boots in a variety of shades, with a few being monogrammed, embellished or stamped. Although most classic cowboy boots have clearly been nicely worn by their own original owners, sometimes it is potential to uncover a pair that’s virtually fresh. Itis not simple though!

Most classic cowboy boots variety in height from 1 3 to 18-inches. It absolutely was rather common in order for them to possess 1 to 2-inch heels, and very frequently there were elaborate designs to the heel. A number of the most uncommon classic cowboy boots still possess the first spur straps, and in case you are truly fortunate, the first brass conchose, jingle bobs and chains. Boots such pure state are uncommon, yet, so that you can be prepared to cover top dollar in their opinion.

Them Boots Are Produced fer Wearin’

Where to Find Classic Cowboy BootsShould you are simply seeking an authentic set of cowboy boots to go along with your western supplies, classic cowboy boots could be way too pricey. There are a lot of great contemporary cowboy boots, including Justin cowboy boots and Lucchese western boots. These and other businesses are famous due to their classic divine boot layouts. When you own a classic design at heart, you are able to shop around different boot shops and you are certain to discover something comparable made in present times.

Maybe you had just like the singularity of classic cowboy boots minus the price, but-don’t need to purchase something off-the-shelf, both. If that’s the case, why don’t you consider buying custom created retro cowboy boots? There are quality companies offering this support, and you are able to customize the boots to any layout you opt for. The boots are afterwards made for your specs and delivered to you personally. Let time, although, as it usually takes a few months for the boots to get there.

But if you really are eager to own boots that possess some background behind them, classic cowboy boots may be the most suitable choice, regardless of the cost.

Tough Outlook

I was reading the New York Times this week (yes, cowboys read and some of us even read the New York Times.) There was a great article called, A Harder Outlook for Today’s Cowboy and it hit things spot-on. Don’t get me wrong…times have been tough for everyone in America the past several years, but it’s been particularly difficult for ranchers. Cattle ranching is a swiftly changing business, and difficulties persist.

21st Century Western Cowboy

Western Cowboys are still western cowboys in the 21st Century. Of course, cowboys still works in ranch and take care of livestock and tending animals and branding or earn making the cattle. We maintain ranches by frequently patrolling fences and checking for any damages areas that are in need of repair. We still move cattle from one pasture to another in order to keep them from overgrazing in one area.

There are still similarities between western cowboys then and now.

21st Century cowboys still use horses when moving herds and patrolling fences, as the horses are much less likely to spook the cattle than using motorized equipment. Although we now have lariats that are used to catch and hold cows which aren’t moving along with the other cows.

And until now, we still maintain a form of solidarity created largely by amount of work required. But while people think that classic cowboys are “loner”, modern cowboys aren’t afraid to let their hair down and have a good time when the opportunity presents itself!

And moderns cowboys are complex. Old-time cowboys weren’t really known for great emotional range or for doing much else besides riding out on the range and getting in trouble at saloons. But today’s cowboys are just as likely to be well-read (I’m a fan of Harry Potter myself). Of course, one old concept holds true: we’re all great singers.

Living at Home, Just Like You

When people think about the cowboy life, they think of life out on the range. Sleeping in a tent or just on a sleeping bag under the stars. Relaxing by the campfire. Cooking out. Singing songs. Talking funny cowboy talk. You’ve probably already got a picture in your head of what it looks like. It’s a romantic notion, for sure, but there ain’t a lot of truth in it these days. It’s a romantic thought, but that’s just not how it is.

See, we cowboys live just like the rest of you. Sure, we get outside a lot more. And we’re a bit more dusty and dirty after a day’s work. But we go home just like everyone else, and whether that’s in a nice house with one of them fancy kitchens and a nice two-car garage or just a tiny apartment with a an old TV, we still go home. And we’ve got the same worries as everyone else: paying rent, paying bills, playing video games (I like anything on the XBox 360, the kids prefer Poptropica), figuring out what to re-heat in the microwave. You name it.

I’ve run into a lot of people who’ve watched too many Hollywood movies and they seriously think we live out on the range. Get real!

I’m a Cowboy, I Reckon

Howdy and welcome to my blog. I’m a cowboy. A real one. There aren’t many of us left. I know enough about computers to have my own blog and this is where I’ll keep a record of what life is like for a good old cowboy in the age of the Internet. Some of it will be interesting and some of it, quite frankly, a bit boring. So grab a seat by the campfire and I’ll tell you some tales.

It’s true, I spend a lot of time out on the range. It’s not as romantic as you read in books or see in the movies, but it’s good, decent work. When the weather’s not good and I’m forced indoors, I spend a lot of time on the computer, either managing my business or goofing off playing games on Facebook. But I try to remain outdoors as much as I can.